Week 6 Power Rankings

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Welcome back to another week of Power Rankings! Week 5 held some powerful performances, nearly as powerful of Dan Licata's riveting acoustic cover of "That's Life". Let's dive right in to these rankings ladies.

1. Ricks Bricks

Folks what we saw from Ricks Bricks this week, it's not normal. He slithered right into the Bandits home field and slapped his meat right on their table. No shave. Bustin Fields took my hatred to heart, and put his life on the line for coach Gimhof this week. Grant rewarded Justin's stellar performance with a gift; a vacation out to Wilmington, where they released a Mexican into the woods and shot guns at him. Hard to deny the chemistry between Coach and QB here. The Bricks have a bye week against the Kank Tags in week 6.

2. Hutsonville Jeep Repair

Love it or hate it, you can't say Hustonville didn't grind to get here. Current league fraud Kank Tags is tanking for Altmyer, but stood no chance regardless. Shoutout to former league fraud, Jackson Duvagina for dropping Gradam Thielhof. After a league leading point output in week 5, Hutsonville moves forward with the Gynecologists. Watch the fireworks in this matchup, it's sure to be a nail biter.

3. Illini Pantry Bandits

Ladies and Gentleman of Soup League, I, Sheen Gardiner, first of his name, protector of the libs and grinder of Bailey, hereby declare the ILLINI PANTRY BANDITS to be on FRAUD WATCH from here on. What was a promising start for Justin Ekeler's squad has quickly turned to raised eyebrows, as whispers of fraudulency creep the pits and alleys of Wilmette. Losing the matchup of the week in a particularly poor fashion, the Bandits are now averaging a mere 105.65 points over their last 3 games. While it is true that Austin Gorodetsky has been battling an ankle ailment since week 2, this team has no excuse for its fall off. With their fraudulence hanging in the balance, the Bandits must find a way to dust the 1-4 Carmela Heinisch.

4. 63rd Kingston Hypes

While things haven't gone exactly their way, the Hypes continue to put points on the board. A leave of absence from Coach Hull has left his lineup stagnant, but in his leave, he left them bountiful Stewie Griffs. Team Captain Tyler Allegier has been noted as a true glue guy. If this fuckin sped would look at his team and accept my trades he would be in first right now! Retard. The Hypes face the Juns in week 6.

5. NPC Juns

Few teams have been surrounded by turmoil as the June have. However, they continue pushing their way towards the top, you have to respect their tenacity. Players pointed to Coach Cuz's methods throughout the week as the reason for their play. Braycuz brought in a speaker for a motivational Japter, as Jun himself stood in front of the team. "Sub to Niko Avocado on YouTube dude" Jun Yokohama said, "it's actually really funny". He followed his speech with a funky little Asian tune he made on garage band, and the rest is history. The Juns face the Hypes in a game to watch.

6. Kankakee Biggers

This team dug their way up to the biggest Kank has to offer. Despite constant injuries to Anthony Richardson, McFleeceniggley has kept his boys in line. Ethan had local team henchman Carkey McBeaverville travel to Las Vegas early Monday morning, where he placed a Giant's Toe in Davante Adam's skooma, successfully giving the Biggers a win they desperately needed. The Biggers battle the DuFrauds in a key battle in the fraud standings.

7. Jim Rub Gynecologists

Coming off a week where they were nearly scored the most points in the league, gears are finally turning in the Gynecologists club house. The team was moved after Coach Dan Location made an emphatic scene at Joes on Tuesday. After receiving a drink from Kendall Jenner, Dan looked back at her, and with an admirable fire in his eye, screamed "I ASKED FOR AN ICEPICK!" and threw the drink back at Jenner with enough concussive force to knock out Beans 3 times over. Runningback Dameon Pierce spent the weekend in a cage rolling joints for his coach, as motivation.


8. Carmela Heinisch

Little Ricky Daal finally gets his first round pick on the field, but heartbreak ensued as he lost due to Davante's Kank poisoning. This week he goes into Illini Pantry, hoping to officially condemn the Bandits to Fraudulency. He's projected an awful lot of points, but I'll let Kurt touch my peepee if Jacobs actually scores 18.

9. Kank Tags

The hardest choices require the strongest wills. It's hard to find a reason for the Tags struggles so far this year. The only conclusion I've been able to come to is that the team is just absolute shit. Really a bad team all around. Sources tell me there is a finger pointing palooza inside the locker room, with Quarterback Joe Burrow shouldering most of the blame. Whether it's Burrow, the 36 year old running backs he selected, or just bad coaching, something needs to change fast for the Tags.

10. DuFrauds

Nice Josh Jacobs trade bro. DuFraud the fantasy savant strikes again! Boutta get they backs blown out by the Biggers too. I stand on that like a man.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.